breath

that's the ticket......maybe tomorrow. :) Off to watch some mindless something on netflix.

wtf is wrong with today?

Absolutely nothing. Same as yesterday, but worse.

# one rule: don't get caught

yep, I screwed up. It serves me right, I wasn't paying any attention, and I got caught. No co-pilot. I wasn't even on the look out! Doy!

That is a NY State Police ticket. It's huge. Not like any ticket I have even seen before. Of coarse, I think it was maybe 25 years ago that I got my last speeding ticket.

Ooops!

I de-friended my sister-in-law. She can unload on her own bother, not me.

really?!?!?!

Seems some of my relatives are cleaning out their cupboards, and decided to send us everything they didn't want or could not sell. This was done under the pretense of fond memories.

Do they think I was born yesterday?

As most of you know, I have been clearing clutter and attempting to downsize in every way possible. Now I get to clean out their crap too. When I get old, I am not sending any shit to my kids, they can take what they want. I will not force material guilt on them.

today is the day

The day I pick up the paint brush once again, and actually work. Not business work, artwork. I have suffered a major artist block and now I am making it go away. What is driving me? No quite sure, if I only knew I would bottle it up, and put it on the shelf for future use.

Life moves too fast. Everyday is a rush. I like being busy, but every fucking day at 100 mph isn't what I want. So I guess I am putting an end to the madness, maybe it will last this time. At least it will last for today.

Oh yeah and when I brave the 5 degree weather I will be wearing my new boots..... :)

new boooooooots

I just got my Tecnicas! Woooo hooo, I never imagined how happy they would make me. I feel like a kid that just got a new stuffed animal....you know the kind you want to carry everywhere, and talk to. That sounds weird, but that's how I feel...I love, love love, them....

Can't explain, but in my lifetime there have been very few material items that made me this happy. Silly happy - just plain unsubstantiated fun, for a change. :)

LIKE!

sitting in my glass house

sitting in my glass house
while your ghost is sleeping down the hall
watching the little birds fly
kamikaze missions into the walls
think i'm gonna stay in today
sit on the couch and watch them fall

life just keeps getting harder
and it just keeps getting harder to hide
the darker it is around me
the easier it is to see inside
outside the glass
the whole world is magnified
and it's half an inch
from here to the other side

i guess that push has come to this
so i guess this must be shove
but before you throw those stones at me
tell me, what is your house made of?
and if you think you know what i'm doing wrong
you're gonna have to get in line
but for the purposes of this song
let's just say i am doing fine
i guess i'm doing fine


© 1999 ani difranco / righteous babe musi

change

Off to the office again today, only 7.5 more months at this location.

My office is nice, floor to ceiling windows make up the entire two outside walls of a corner office, but there is no place for my dogs. I'll miss the view, but change is good, it has to be.

Change is good because, like it or not, it happens.

Yay! I am not bawling my eyes out today.

pushed beyond the point of breaking

No song is so fitting for me right now as Cher's new release "You haven't seen the last of me." My life has a lot of good in it, that I would never trade away to get rid of the bad, but it is really really a struggle right now.

I have been pushed beyond the point of breaking, and in those moments I have seen the worst in people. "Nobody loves you when you are down and out." Where I come from if you aren't down and out, they don't love you because they are far too jealous. I have been at that end of the spectrum as well.

I have learned what I don't want for my family, and that blood means nothing unless you were raised with a sense of commitment to family. Ever hear the term "tough love?"...that would be a tremendous step up from no love, zip , nada, nill.

Narcissistic personalities bred and raised, and to top it off - the level of pride that is held for being cold hearted self absorbed assholes is astounding. Anyone who dares to suffer a financial downturn, is a simply a moron, just plain stupid. Not like the entire global economy had any effect on millions of businesses. Hello?

On the bright side, at least their core values are not contagious, and I won't ever feel like I am missing anything from them again. They are just my relatives, not my family.

20 degrees

Blue skies and twenty degrees, lovely.

Donna's light by her chair has burned out, and her Sunday paper is waiting at the end of the drive. I used to pick it up and put it on her back porch. Now it's not my place. She has one living brother that will handle everything I suspect. I have never met the man, but as I recall Donna said he was a total ass.

Her house sits on a prime piece of real estate. For many years various individuals have pestered her to sell. They would leave offers in her mail box, and call her even after she said no. Hard to imagine what will happen to her home.

I still have my cold, but I am going to suit up and take the dogs to the park. The dog park is my alternative world, which will be changing soon as well. Many friends and different personalities down there. It's a soap at times, but I just observe and try to stay out of the daily gossip.

Wish me luck, I just want to stay relatively warm

2011 new year, new me?

Ah no, just an older me, with battle scars.

I fought many battles over my lifetime, and some that will never end, however, I am finished with glass half full and half empty bull sh*t. I have a glass. That's it.

So we begin the year older and wiser. Yay! That has to count for something. Simple goal this year, add running to the workout, add meditation to my day, and get something accomplished. There's nothing worse than working really hard just to remain at the same place. I have a tendency to discount what I do, only because my expectation are way high, unrealistically high, and I know this but that doesn't change a thing. This is where the reality police need to come in and shake some sense into me, but that will never happen.

At any rate, I am stuck with myself. I have been sick all week with a cold. The last three days I have have 5 different renditions of chicken noodle soup, at least now I know that fat and salt makes soup better. Even though I am behind the starting line of my new year, I still think I may have a glass.

I return to blogging with all good intentions, and will attempt to post my thoughts more openly than before, and I will try to stay away from my whining blog....such a crutch. --- Wishing myself luck and a happy new year to anyone reading.

Day one new year: Chicken noodle soup, Boarders and family dinner at our house with Gmom.

R.I.P. Donna

Dear Donna,
I will miss you terribly. I keep looking over but you aren't there. I count you one of my very best and truest friends.

I hope you have found peace.
Love from all of us.