the new black

Can it be true? Can it be that people are actually waking up to the fact that material things do not bring happiness?

I grew up as a middle class white girl in suburbia. I always thought we were poor because of the many fights my parents had over money. I am the youngest of four children and the only girl. I never wanted for anything. Meaning that I either worked and made my own money or someway, somehow, my parents found the funds to provide what I desired.

I enjoyed working. When I was younger I could work somewhere to get a discount, and quit just to find another job the next day. I interviewed well, I was blond, and responsible. Looking back I think I was hired because I looked like an "all American girl" or "the girl next door." I don't know. It doesn't matter. But unlike today, employment was easy to find. The reason I worked? Solely so I could spend.

Shopping was fun. Buying was fun. Stuff was fun. Saving was boring. Nobody saved.

Fast forward into adult life I identified with Madonna, remember the Material Girl song. Ugh. It was the 80's, what wasn't there to enjoy? What couldn't money buy? This continued for decades. God, my poor children. On one particularly chilly Texas Christmas morning one of my children actually said to me, "Can we stop opening presents I'm too tired." You would have thought that an enormous star shaped light bulb would have gone off above my head, but it didn't.

It took more years then I care to recall, and almost going broke, to realize that stuff means absolutely nothing.

I worry about the economy because I have been for the last several years a non-consumer. Apparently 3/4 of the American economy depends on the consumer. I believe that many people are like myself, and have quit the gathering spending game. I know this isn't a majority yet, but there are signs movement is gaining traction. My children have always been frugal, naturally so. They have, at a very young age, decided that spending isn't fun. Just recently, I read where young wealthy entrepreneurs are also turning their backs on insatiable consumerism and the American motto of "keeping up with the Joneses."

Could it be that frugality is becoming the new black?
_____________________________________
Some questions to consider:
Do you spend like you used to?
Do you have too much stuff?
If you could buy anything what would it be?

be more nimble

We have set a goal, finally and we are redirecting our efforts to minimize the burden of "stuff" we carry. When we moved out of our fairly large and over stuffed house of twelve years, into our temporary living quarters, my Mother's house, I thought I had really purged. Well it's been 3 months or so, and the heaviness of our storage unit is weighing on my mind.

We have decided to sell or donate what we really don't need or want. Some items were iffy going into storage so those will be easy to donate or sell. Other items will be difficult to sell, like our pool table and our dining room curio cabinet, both large items and both pricey items. We will do our best.

We just want less to move, less to use, less to fix, you name it, just make it be less.

This entire minimalism concept struck me to my core, the other day when I was reading through a blog about simplifying your life. It sounded so good to me I couldn't stop thinking about it. It's become my current obsession. I am excited about this, and I believe this will provide the kind of flexibility we want in our lives.

Can you imagine, being able to move to another country just for a year for fun? Or spending a year in this state and then that state, because we want to? I don't know where we will end up being, but I do know we can't hold on to a bunch of stuff if we want to be nimble.

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Batman and Ice

Checking out the morning paper, or not.

I could have gone a lifetime without this image.

Note to self - do not do this, EVER! Check out the guy in the background. Actually I don't even like it on my blog. I am going to post a dog pic, to move this downward.

Had to add this one. When will politicians learn not to look like idiots?

I can almost breathe

We are still paying the bills the company is still alive, but the exciting news is we are launching a new company. Not just me painting or anything like that but a real company that has great potential. We are partnering with people we know, a sales guy and two programmers, and should be ready to show something to VC's in about four weeks.
I am super confident on this one. More later.

In the hood - really

I am in Brooklyn, where the rent is reasonable and you don't go out at night.

Why am I so different?

I am so different from the rest of my family of origin, that sometimes I actually wonder how this happened.

I don't agree with any of their core values. I find that strange. I guess that's just the way it goes.

who owns you?

I found out a little something today that made me think about myself. Who owns me? Well right now banks own me, but that wont be forever. Hands down I would rather be owned by a bank than by a blood vulture.

What is a blood vulture? It's a blood relative that preys on their own. The sole intention of such a beast is to benefit financially from their own siblings' misfortunes.

okay....i am still breathing

Now that one huge mess has ended, it's time to reevaluate everything.

Still in the down-sizing mode. I have one more garage sale of stuff, then it's time to seriously look at what is left, and scale back again.

I want to live in a moderate sized home. And my greatest wish would be that our house is an eco home. One of those funky things you see, where everything collects, stores, and conserves energy. I am not sure we will get there, but it is in my mind and that's a start.

I give

This has been a bad year thus far. Not even going to try to sugarcoat it.

S2 w.o.#9

S2 w.o.#8

I missed this work out. :(

S2 w.o.#7

S2 w.o.#6

S2 w.o.#5

S2 w.o.# 4

S2 w.o. #3

This was really rough. RUNNING 500meter in the warm up...omg. I did okay, I was last running but with the pack...only a few steps behind.

90 seconds is the rest time between sets.

Today is Easter Sunday - I am really sore.

session #2 wo#2

I missed this one. I could not make it. Was too tired from everything I have had to do.
I felt bad for missing.

Session Two begins- w.o.#1

Welcome back my old friend. This was the first workout of the second session. OMG! Kristy and I had done this just last week - it's a killer. I am not sure if we beat our old time or not......maybe they will find the records.

Only 17 more work outs! lol yay? will it ever stop now? Three days off felt like heaven.

last 5:00 AM workout #24

Choice of strength or drills

Strength: You have 15 minutes to find your deadlift 3 rep max

Drills: 5 rounds or 20 minutes of
10 box jumps - max height
10 wall walks
10 toes to bar
10 inchworms (forward & back)

Warmup: 1500 meter row
Cool down: 1.2 mile run
______________________________________
I picked Strength:
warm-up 1500 meters row
135lbs max
90lbs 15 reps
Cool-down:600 meter run + 1000 meter row.

second yoga

It was good. I took a better mat and we did more challenging positions. I look forward to increasing my practices, to at least 3 x per week.

w.o. #23

Warmup: CrossFit Warmup x 3 rounds - 10 reps each

You have 15 minutes to determine your 3 rep max deadlift.

Cool down: rest 3 minutes, reduce weight on bar approximately 30% from your 3 rep max, and perform 15 more deadlifts.

120 lbs.
90 lbs.

Tuesday Funday- why?

Because I don't have to wake up at 4:00AM.

Starting Monday, next week, I am going to be on a strict diet. I want to cut the fat, and hopefully gain definition. I know I am old, but this is what I am doing. Yeah, I can't stop. Stopping would mean defeat. I have been defeated by almost everything else....but this I can control.

I hope this doesn't come off as whining - I am just trying to be blunt.

NO sugar is one of the new rules. I have not look at anything else. I think I'll cut sugar and booze first, then read up on it. Might even get my measurements done - that would take courage.

w.o.# 22

A day off

I am sitting here drinking coffee, thinking what will I do. Sure I have work to do. I'll do some. Not all.

It's a weird feeling. Not quite peaceful. I should take the dogs, but I'll do that tomorrow.

It's going to be a simple easy day. LIKE.

crossfit w.o. #21

5:00AM this morning.

first yoga class-last night

It was good. I am only a beginner. Sore muscles this morning for sure.
Yoga isn't for wimps.

CrossFit Workout - Wednesday 04/06/11 w.o.#20

Remember this is my off week. :/ At the box by 5:00AM!!!!!!

5 rounds of:
Standing one arm press - 10 reps, R & L
15 squat pull downs
rest 1-2 minutes

My max was 15lbs. Tried 20ibs. but could only do a few.

Warmup: 5 burpees, 10 pullups, 15 squats, 20 situps - for 10 minutes
Cool Down: Trainer's choice ended up being 2000 meter row

off week w.o. #19

My iPhone said 4:00 AM when it went off this morning.
It's 6:06AM and I have already done the work out below...This is crazy.
I have tomorrow off. Then 5:00AM Wednesday....again.

CrossFit Workout - Monday 04/04/11
Max reps each round, 1 minute per exercise with 1 minute rest

Round 1: box jump, pullup, box jump, rest
Round 2: situp, pushup, situp, rest
Round 3: ball slam, pullup, ball slam, rest
Round 4: mountain climber, pushup, mountain climber, rest
Round 5: air squat, jumping squat, air squat

woo hoo cross-fit #18 finished

Session one complete.

Warm up
Then dead lifts. I did 140 lbs. My previous best was 105 lbs.

I made a deal with K. to go to Cross-fit on Monday 5:00 am.....WHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaT? We are going to try to do M-W-F for two weeks....until session number two.

w.o. #17

30 reps work named Grace

Jerk -press? maybe... It was hard....but I got it done, last in class and they were all watching me and cheering for me ! That has never happened in my entire life. No one has ever cheered for me....I was unsure what to do with it...but my last lift was pretty!

two more classes

Well I have to say I have two more classes, in my first session of Cross-fit....I never thought I could really do this. I mean, I paid the money and all, and showed up, but really - I have more muscle now. I am stonger, faster, and feel better.

Our class is great 3 women and 2 men, 2 cops, one electrician, and a another girl who I don't know what she does. One of the cops is a woman and she is married to the other cop. Man, I would love for them to pull me over - no ticket for sure. :)

So as a group we decided to take another session. Same bat-time same bat-channel. One week off in between. Ugh! I like the nights I don't work out, but every night I do, I feel like I have done something good.

SO I am hoping to switch up my diet for the second session , and really burn some fat. At least burn the fat that is still hanging around.

w.o.#16

Redo of w.o. number 3.

First score was 270 today's score 440 - Yay! me.... :)

w.o.#15 your choice

750 meter row
21-15-12-9-6-3
DB press
pull up
ball slam
500 meter row.

w.o. #14 Chipper

1250 meter row
100 sit-ups
75 squats
50 push-ups
25 pull ups
10 burpees

I ate the floor on the push ups totally!

Cross-fit w.o. #13

Heavy weights fewer reps. It was good. Hard but quick.
9 kettle bell 25 lbs
6 knc
3 jump press 15 lds dumb bells
x 12

"deck of cards"

W.O.#12 -I have come to realize that when the work-out has a name it's going to be really tough.

Entire deck of cards: number on card indicates # reps & face cards = 10
Clubs = sit ups
Hearts = push ups
Diamonds = kettle bell
Spades = swats
Aces 200 meter run
Jokers - 10 something I don't even know the names

For me this was the most difficult yet.... Oh and "Fight Gone Bad" 3x was our warm up. :/

"fight gone bad"

w.o. #11 - well that was a body buster.
Wall ball, kettle lift, box jump. over head press, row - one minute each one minute rest at the end of the row. 3X
Work out #10 was on Tuesday, not so bad, can't remember details

Cross-fit w.o. #8 & #9

#8 was the dead lift- I did 105lbs
#9 was the salad bar workout it was super tough 100 from column a,b,c

Cross-fit w.o.#7

This was the most sweaty workout. Bill said it may be the hardest, at the least he said its the hardest to watch. In any case, it was sweaty and hard, however for me the worst thing ever is box jumping...I have a phobia or something about it.

I left the building to come home to my sofa and watch Biggest Loser and Parenthood. On Biggest Loser I recognized the rowers, the kettle balls...omg how do those people do it.

I still feel soreness after the work-outs but nothing like after the first day...or after the first day of the second week. Maybe the muscles are waking up to what is happeneing...weird how we can actually change our bodies with work. Very strange.

I feel if they can do it I can do it. We started week #3 of the 6 week program....whew...he took a group photo, might end up on FB...I can't wait to see that. It's going to be frightening.


row/ jump press/kettle ball
4 reps different sequence 2minutes 1 minute 1minute then switch count calories and reps.

Cross-Fit w.o.#6

OMFG.

Only the end of the second week. Four more weeks, then it will never stop....

Right about now, it feels like I cant keep doing this, but Saturday 7:30 am is the hardest...not as much down times between workouts. I just have to keep telling myself I can do this. No matter how old or weak I might feel.

It's not about comparing myself to those around me, it's about changing myself into a better and more fit person. But Damn! It's hard.

Hopefully the work will pay off, I mean if you do the work, which I am doing, there should be results...I am just not seeing them yet. Maybe I am seeing a little bit, but because the workouts remain difficult I think I am not getting stronger. On the other hand, that's the point.

Need coffee...I am spent like loose change.

( this was the 20 seconds on, 10 sec rest 20 on 8 reps of one exercise, then same for 3 more exercises Row/push-ups/sit-ups/pull-ups )

Rainy Windy Friday

At the office today. I wish one of my three computers here was half as nice as my one at home. These are a combination of what I have acquired, and I need to get all the "important stuff " off them. What a big job. I think I will just buy some hard disk enclosures and take the drives out and have all the info I want through a usb connection. Too many years of family mixed with personally mix with business....and all arranged in a non-logical manner. In other words a nightmare.

But two of these machines have a program I like and use, but it's longer available for free, and it was a download so there are no disks. This makes me reluctant to get rid of these two dinosaurs. The third is a laptop....I don't like laptops, personally, but it has to do for now...at least it has some speed. :)

Much to do about nothing actually.

Cross-fit w.o. #5

Tonight, I actually felt like puking. Seriously, I thought oh, this is what those people talk about.....but I pushed through and finished. No telling what part of my body is going to be killing me tomorrow. I have muscles I never knew existed, did I say that before??? Anyway, I like the class a lot, there is no pressure other than to complete the work out, and do your absolute best. I like that structure.

I meant to do this before but tonight, I had "before" photos taken....really gross....if you want to know how bad you look.... put it on film. I think I look pretty close to starting point, no great changes as of yet so the next set will be at the Thursday of the forth week, and the final pics will be after the last class of this first session.

Like I said before, I don't think I can ever quit, because starting was too hard....
(this was 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1, series: press /box jump/ kettle-bell)

Cross-fit workout - w.o. #4

Well after having a break half day Saturday off, Sunday off & Monday off, I felt all the nervousness coming back, as if I wasn't going to be able to do it. Plus I was sick Sunday and Monday, but I paid for this class and I knew I could not fall behind. So I went.

It was rough. But it was rough for everyone in class, which makes me feel better because they are ALL younger than I am...I think one of the other ladies is a Police Officer...I have to ask next week.

5 sets of pull ups, push ups, sit ups, squats in this quantity 21-19-15-12-9 TIMED! That was the work out, but at this place the warm-up and the cool-down feel like work-outs also.

Driving home past the many local bars, jolly/drunk men were outside smoking their cigarettes...all I could think is there is no way they could have done that workout, and then I realized they were killing themselves in slow motion.

That's kind of sad, I don't think they see it that way, what do I know (????) But I felt badly for them, and then good for myself....because it's not easy making this commitment, and I am proud of my choice.

So that's my own pat on the back. :)

poisened

I was poisoned by bad sushi. Wasn't like normal food poisoning. I am still recovering.

So bare with me as I continue to feel like crap. Only I am much worse than normal because I am so sick of winter, I could scream!!!!! Today the sun is out, but it freezing outside. It's like a sick joke, come out, come out to play - oh now you are here you get to suffer.

Why in the hell did we ever leave California? I ask myself that everyday!

Photo: This used to be my drive to work, I took the ferry to get to the mainland from the peninsula.

Winter sucks the life out of everything.

I am so sick of it. Fucking gray skies day after day....cold chills, slippery walks, and slop everywhere.

Sunday

Sunday Graphics
A day off....and I am taking it and going to enjoy the hell out of it. I am stiff, sore in muscles I didn't know existed...there is no way I can stop this, because in order to ever start again, would mean a repeat of the pain. Maybe that how this gym makes their money, knowing full well no one wants to "start over."

Never starting over, I have started and can't stop.

Today is my reward.

second time at de-friending

What can I say....first time I cratered and let her back in, but then this little voice inside my head said....WHY?

She shares nothing. It's like she is some sort of info gathering spy for her own enjoyment. I like relationships that are two way, never have been much into leeches.

Do you think she will dare to ask why she has been de-friended twice???

That would take some balls. (IMO)

crack of dawn workout - w.o. #3

To get there, which is only 7 minutes away, I have to at least wake up and get dressed.....eat something so I don't pass out, try to hydrate, so I don't pass out. It was rough today. Got pretty red in the face, but didn't pass out.

Today was the one work out that we will repeat for comparison at the end of the 6 week session. Five sets: rowing for a minute, sit-ups for a minute, squats for a minute , 30 second rest....repeat. I was dead at the end.

I have the rest of today off , Sunday off and Monday off...back to the gym on Tuesday.

If I didn't have Bill making me do this I would still be thinking about it. Everyone is so very nice there, and I am thankful to my pal Libby for telling me all about this place!

Cross-Fit chronicles - 2nd Day.

Okay, so I really thought that I was not going to be able to do the second workout, but low and behold I did fine. I didn't do great but for me it was outstanding. I left feeling fairly confident which was nice. I am really sore but it is becoming tolerable.

This will work, I know I will get stronger because you can do this sort of stuff over and over again and do anything but improve!! (It's possible the owner is in his 40's)

Above is Jessie, the dog-owner of the gym. :)

"Choose to align yourself with people who are like-minded in their search for simplified inspiration. Give those who find fault or who are confrontational a silent blessing and remove yourself from their energy as quickly as possible. Your life is simplified enormously when you don’t have to defend yourself to anyone, and when you receive support rather than criticism." - Dr. Wayne Dyer

day off

Yeah.. sore muscles. That's my comment. I don't know how I am going to be able to do anything tomorrow night at class. Shoot - I can't even for one nano-second when doing the workout think "I can't do this" or my body flat out stops.

This is an "I can do this"-only-mindset allowed situation. I don't want to be the one they scrap up off the floor. I hear it gets better, I don't want to believe that and then have it not get better. You know like a movie you want to see, everyone says it's great then it's not. :(

My world is in shambles, but not my life. SO I got that going for me. I laugh at myself, it's easy to do. Besides I think I am funny.

All for now, waiting on the wine-man to show up. RELAX time.

Cross-Fit chronicles - First Day.

Just a few words about my experience so at the end of the first 18 class session I can see what I was thinking in the beginning. I can get to the gym in about 7 minutes by car. In class I am:
1. thinnest
2. oldest
3. weakest core muscle there
4. most flexible

One more person is joining on thurday - hope she/he is old like me. :)

I was last on the timed workout, but that's okay. I think I will learn quickly and I am determined. I feel good that I am not doing these work outs with a bunch of extra weight. I have soft spots that need attention, which hopefully will turn to toned parts. It was hard. It was, at one point, OMG can I do this? I did. I have been home for just an hour and I can feel my legs burning when trying to get up from the chair.

The instructor is very cool. He's about 50 something, he is really kind and nice, but stern. Looks like former military , I am not sure. His dog, Jessie, hangs out at the gym.

Anyway, all is good a nice hot bath tonight and then tomorrow I wont be able to walk...

breath

that's the ticket......maybe tomorrow. :) Off to watch some mindless something on netflix.

wtf is wrong with today?

Absolutely nothing. Same as yesterday, but worse.

# one rule: don't get caught

yep, I screwed up. It serves me right, I wasn't paying any attention, and I got caught. No co-pilot. I wasn't even on the look out! Doy!

That is a NY State Police ticket. It's huge. Not like any ticket I have even seen before. Of coarse, I think it was maybe 25 years ago that I got my last speeding ticket.

Ooops!

I de-friended my sister-in-law. She can unload on her own bother, not me.

really?!?!?!

Seems some of my relatives are cleaning out their cupboards, and decided to send us everything they didn't want or could not sell. This was done under the pretense of fond memories.

Do they think I was born yesterday?

As most of you know, I have been clearing clutter and attempting to downsize in every way possible. Now I get to clean out their crap too. When I get old, I am not sending any shit to my kids, they can take what they want. I will not force material guilt on them.

today is the day

The day I pick up the paint brush once again, and actually work. Not business work, artwork. I have suffered a major artist block and now I am making it go away. What is driving me? No quite sure, if I only knew I would bottle it up, and put it on the shelf for future use.

Life moves too fast. Everyday is a rush. I like being busy, but every fucking day at 100 mph isn't what I want. So I guess I am putting an end to the madness, maybe it will last this time. At least it will last for today.

Oh yeah and when I brave the 5 degree weather I will be wearing my new boots..... :)

new boooooooots

I just got my Tecnicas! Woooo hooo, I never imagined how happy they would make me. I feel like a kid that just got a new stuffed animal....you know the kind you want to carry everywhere, and talk to. That sounds weird, but that's how I feel...I love, love love, them....

Can't explain, but in my lifetime there have been very few material items that made me this happy. Silly happy - just plain unsubstantiated fun, for a change. :)

LIKE!

sitting in my glass house

sitting in my glass house
while your ghost is sleeping down the hall
watching the little birds fly
kamikaze missions into the walls
think i'm gonna stay in today
sit on the couch and watch them fall

life just keeps getting harder
and it just keeps getting harder to hide
the darker it is around me
the easier it is to see inside
outside the glass
the whole world is magnified
and it's half an inch
from here to the other side

i guess that push has come to this
so i guess this must be shove
but before you throw those stones at me
tell me, what is your house made of?
and if you think you know what i'm doing wrong
you're gonna have to get in line
but for the purposes of this song
let's just say i am doing fine
i guess i'm doing fine


© 1999 ani difranco / righteous babe musi

change

Off to the office again today, only 7.5 more months at this location.

My office is nice, floor to ceiling windows make up the entire two outside walls of a corner office, but there is no place for my dogs. I'll miss the view, but change is good, it has to be.

Change is good because, like it or not, it happens.

Yay! I am not bawling my eyes out today.

pushed beyond the point of breaking

No song is so fitting for me right now as Cher's new release "You haven't seen the last of me." My life has a lot of good in it, that I would never trade away to get rid of the bad, but it is really really a struggle right now.

I have been pushed beyond the point of breaking, and in those moments I have seen the worst in people. "Nobody loves you when you are down and out." Where I come from if you aren't down and out, they don't love you because they are far too jealous. I have been at that end of the spectrum as well.

I have learned what I don't want for my family, and that blood means nothing unless you were raised with a sense of commitment to family. Ever hear the term "tough love?"...that would be a tremendous step up from no love, zip , nada, nill.

Narcissistic personalities bred and raised, and to top it off - the level of pride that is held for being cold hearted self absorbed assholes is astounding. Anyone who dares to suffer a financial downturn, is a simply a moron, just plain stupid. Not like the entire global economy had any effect on millions of businesses. Hello?

On the bright side, at least their core values are not contagious, and I won't ever feel like I am missing anything from them again. They are just my relatives, not my family.

20 degrees

Blue skies and twenty degrees, lovely.

Donna's light by her chair has burned out, and her Sunday paper is waiting at the end of the drive. I used to pick it up and put it on her back porch. Now it's not my place. She has one living brother that will handle everything I suspect. I have never met the man, but as I recall Donna said he was a total ass.

Her house sits on a prime piece of real estate. For many years various individuals have pestered her to sell. They would leave offers in her mail box, and call her even after she said no. Hard to imagine what will happen to her home.

I still have my cold, but I am going to suit up and take the dogs to the park. The dog park is my alternative world, which will be changing soon as well. Many friends and different personalities down there. It's a soap at times, but I just observe and try to stay out of the daily gossip.

Wish me luck, I just want to stay relatively warm

2011 new year, new me?

Ah no, just an older me, with battle scars.

I fought many battles over my lifetime, and some that will never end, however, I am finished with glass half full and half empty bull sh*t. I have a glass. That's it.

So we begin the year older and wiser. Yay! That has to count for something. Simple goal this year, add running to the workout, add meditation to my day, and get something accomplished. There's nothing worse than working really hard just to remain at the same place. I have a tendency to discount what I do, only because my expectation are way high, unrealistically high, and I know this but that doesn't change a thing. This is where the reality police need to come in and shake some sense into me, but that will never happen.

At any rate, I am stuck with myself. I have been sick all week with a cold. The last three days I have have 5 different renditions of chicken noodle soup, at least now I know that fat and salt makes soup better. Even though I am behind the starting line of my new year, I still think I may have a glass.

I return to blogging with all good intentions, and will attempt to post my thoughts more openly than before, and I will try to stay away from my whining blog....such a crutch. --- Wishing myself luck and a happy new year to anyone reading.

Day one new year: Chicken noodle soup, Boarders and family dinner at our house with Gmom.

R.I.P. Donna

Dear Donna,
I will miss you terribly. I keep looking over but you aren't there. I count you one of my very best and truest friends.

I hope you have found peace.
Love from all of us.